Much more scattered than I'd like to be. Waiting, and waiting. O one day won't I be better organized? More legible, and together. I'm having such difficulty finishing mindless tasks, as my minde gets so distracted. O where is there solace?
This house is haunted.
So was my last one, and yours.
There is a man singing in the kitchen. A larger man is sitting at the computer. I am not even sure if he resides here. The man in the kitchen, Darrin, sometimes throws things and hollars. I am sincerely terrified of him.
I cannot stay in my room as there is a constant need to carry on conversation, and I just don't have it in me right now. People often need things from me that I just don't have to give. For this I am so thankful I don't have children to take care of.
Chocolate ice cream is my craving, and Darrin's singing will be easier to tolerate than the conversations.
Scared to death.
When I asked Darrin how he was doing he said "Out of my mind; are you there too?"
"Yes sir," I responded.
I recorded his epic coffee making instructions, and then he sang me a song.
I am breathing deeply, grateful to be sober, nervous about continuing without my crutch.
Lean on some other 2 feet.
Don't plan on sleeping.
It is terrible trying to express words in a living room, dimly lit. Darrin is still singing.
I know what has driven me away from people before- their lack of honesty. And now, since I have gotten heavy into the bottle, it is my character on trial. Nothing good ever comes from drinking. Not for this one anyway.
I have done a fantastic job of ruining everything in my life, just about.
If onely I would have controlled myself. Where did my dignity go? Lost with my minde.
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