To my friends who couldn't pay for college:

I have loved school since I was a little girl. Neither of my parents graduated high school. Getting my GED was something I never thought I would have to get. I have tried several times to get into Georgia Universities, yet I had some major life complications that has made my applications get rejected. I decided I didn't need school anyway; I would acquire more knowledge than my friends with PHDs. We have the internet for God's sake. I can learn whatever I want.
 With this renegade attitude I have attempted to start some websites with the goal of shared knowledge and wisdoms. I got connected to different-way-of-life revolutions. There are people doing some really amazing and huge things.
 Ok, I have had to become a bit of idealist. I am also a realist, and am awake to the lessons history has taught us. There are adverse consequences. Emerson runs through my mind more frequently than my friends. I heavily ponder taking off for the woods, getting away from these wretched humans.
 But then I can't escape myself. At least not in this life. So I would still be stuck with a wretch, in very close quarters even. I can prove the String Theory in my thinking. I end right back where I started- maybe as a society we need each other. The ones who fail, and the ones who succeed.
 This morning, November 21, 2010 I discovered free education. Free courses available from some of the greatest universities in the world. I fell apart, realizing I have discovered what I didn't even know I was looking for. We can share education!
 The first lecture I listened to was an introduction to the history of Physics by Cathy Carson at the University of Berkley, California. She discussed history as a study of humans, always growing and progressing. To "historize" the present. I predict if we open our hearts to listen and share our experiences we can progress at an exponentially faster rate than ever before. Our networks and connections I still cannot wrap my mind around the potential for great things. This is an episode of the Twilight Zone.
 Instead of filling our head with garbage videos, we can become masters of our own education. We can study whatever we want! The possibilities are endless.

(Even in the Shacks)

SHADOOFS! to irrigate (even in the shacks.)
According to perfect selection
We've waited for several droughts!
DEFINE me not by burdens
Adour ado interpret these omens
Who are you?
The fee for grinding grain
Embrocate me the sweetest hints of selection
I intended to improve,
Tho emerged
Hardened and
Weathered
Time etching evidence into my face
O i have my leaf scar
Fallen fast
With
Herstory
Direction.

Just because grown-ups can't see them...

We've all been here before.
Sometimes it takes quite a few sparks (or lots of magnesium) to start the fire. My eloquence has left me long ago, and my vocabulary dwindled so...
It is autum. The falling leaves glitter the sky, the drop in temperature fitting to my rigidness. It gets darker sooner, and my darker mood is grateful.
The pouring out...
To accept the empty pit.
Our fragile beings have warped us into hollow has-beens and soon-to-be's. The future is beckoning, no matter our feelings of the whole thing.
I hope she doesn't recognize me.

Frozen Matter

Much more scattered than I'd like to be. Waiting, and waiting. O one day won't I be better organized? More legible, and together. I'm having such difficulty finishing mindless tasks, as my minde gets so distracted. O where is there solace?
This house is haunted.
So was my last one, and yours.
There is a man singing in the kitchen. A larger man is sitting at the computer. I am not even sure if he resides here. The man in the kitchen, Darrin, sometimes throws things and hollars. I am sincerely terrified of him.
I cannot stay in my room as there is a constant need to carry on conversation, and I just don't have it in me right now. People often need things from me that I just don't have to give. For this I am so thankful I don't have children to take care of.
Chocolate ice cream is my craving, and Darrin's singing will be easier to tolerate than the conversations.
Scared to death.
When I asked Darrin how he was doing he said "Out of my mind; are you there too?"
"Yes sir," I responded.
I recorded his epic coffee making instructions, and then he sang me a song.
I am breathing deeply, grateful to be sober, nervous about continuing without my crutch.
Lean on some other 2 feet.
Don't plan on sleeping.
It is terrible trying to express words in a living room, dimly lit. Darrin is still singing.
I know what has driven me away from people before- their lack of honesty. And now, since I have gotten heavy into the bottle, it is my character on trial. Nothing good ever comes from drinking. Not for this one anyway.
I have done a fantastic job of ruining everything in my life, just about.
If onely I would have controlled myself. Where did my dignity go? Lost with my minde.

Love Cures All Sorrow

Mr. Donne has taught me much of metaphysics. Science backs up and proves againe and againe the healing power of love. It made me sick, and sad. A 24 year old vortex of self-destruction. Not where I will stay or who I would like to be. Sorry and sick of being sorry. Bourne to sing the blues. I have turned back to the straight and narrow, where I have been successful before. I have surrendered to restoration and a paradigm shift in circumstances.
Never have I felt so uninspired, I am a frustrated mystic.
You can breathe right now; we are still here.
Satan is watching, though my sights set high.
In my dream last night a paratrooper fell from the sky and landed in front of me. This man from the Far East told me all about his charity. Then there was another man, a very attractive one, wearing a jetpack. He took me by the waist and we flew away. Visiting places all over the world. Perhaps subconciously this is the kind of love we, especially the women, are waiting on. What I have found instead is that, though it is indeed dramatic and poetic, it is a lot less appealing and even more gruesome.